Do Wishes Come True?

Something in my dreams last night left me unsettled, unsure, wondering if all the things I wish for are just there to rattle around in my head (or my heart) and remind me I'm alive. In fact, that was my first thought upon waking up: Will my wishes come true?

 I immediately sat down at my computer and typed in the phrase: 

DO WISHES COME TRUE?

Answers:

#1 wishes do come true but not by themselves. you have to help them come true u cant just make a wish and sit back to see it come true it won't work that way. blessed be.

#2 I think that wishes can come true but you have to put in a little work to get it going towards the right direction.. Think of the wish that you want and try to think of some small things you can do to make your wish come true.. A little bit of help can go a long ways.. I believe that good things come to those who deserve them.

I do have a wish list – a secret, intense and beautiful list of feelings, hopes, desire and most of all, dreams. I have so many wishes, sometimes I think I should edit them, put them in some sortable, alphabetical order. My Capricorn self loves order and those who know me know I am big on lists anyway. But in the end, what does it matter how I order them, or if they change along the way?


I'm getting older and each day I pay more attention to them -- much more attention then I ever did when I was younger. Now the small moments matter, they mean something. And as the years pass by, I don't really think my wish list gets any longer. In some cases, it has gotten shorter. I've already been blessed to have a few wishes come true. I hope there's no quota to the amount of wishes we are granted, because there are a few more that I am holding tightly to. 


There is one wish in particular that I take out at night, in those moments just before sleep. I dust it off, and look at it carefully from all angles. It's not a perfect wish, but it's close. Like worn sea glass in my hand, it once was sharper, bolder even, but in the last few years, it's taken a beating. Like sea glass, the pounding waves of my life have made it more beautiful, and more unique. More special to me. 


On my desk, I have a dish full of sea shells and sea glass that I have picked up along the way. I like to believe that dish holds my wishes. As I work during the day, I can be reminded that what will be, will be. Que Sera Sera.

A Day in the Life of This Writer...

I resent this idea that writers don't work hard. It's often said that there is a reason why a high percentage of writers are alcoholics. Writing is not for the inert, delicate or easily distracted. It takes concentration. It requires dedication. It expects nothing less than all you can muster every moment of every day. I don't spend every day writing. Some days are spent teaching. Other days are spent working for my clients. But at least one day a week is focused solely on my creative writing. Right now, it's a script based on the life of Emily Dickinson.

Here is a look at a day in the life of this writer:

   

Meditation today: clear my mind of all the uncertainties. Know that I am on the right path and that I am creating something amazing. Be at peace with my life in this moment and thankful for all the love I feel today. Center my mind to focus on the task ahead.

Okay two hours in and I'm a little stumped. No stumped isn't the right word. What is the right word? How can I not know the right word? I'm a writer for God's sake. I'm supposed to have a command of words. Maybe I don't need just a word. Maybe I should start over all together. Wait. Don't trash it all. That's not helpful. Let it sit for a few minutes. Stop fighting the story. Stop fighting the characters. Let the characters be in the moment. You're pressing too hard. Take a break.

Trash can hoops! Always does the trick!

Don't censor yourself. Just write. Write. Write.

I'm on the edge of something. Maybe it's the edge of nothing. Huh? Ok great.  Now I'm at the point of making no sense at all and it's not even noon. 

Wonderful. 

Stop the negative thoughts. 

Wow. The clouds are really moving fast.  

I need a cup of tea. 

Ahh. Better. Ugh. It's only 11:10 am. I am so behind. I needed to get through at least 10 pages by lunch.

  Okay. Now I am on a roll. I somehow silently slid into a comfort zone. The words are rolling. Even my fingers feel good on the keyboard. I've always loved the sound a keyboard makes when I type. Especially the definitive sound the space bar makes. Hitting the space bar = progress. Motion. Movement. Space bar is my happy sound. I'm in my red zone. 

The world falls out of focus and the only thing I see is texture and red and words and the light changing outside the window I'm vaguely aware there is a world outside this office. The waves crash into the seawall. The rain still falls but it's as if time as been suspended and even the wind cannot reach me. I'm in a bubble a red, cozy and secure bubble filled with my thoughts and my words.

BREAK TIME. Okay. I'm losing my focus.  Time to get outside for a few minutes and catch some fresh air. I need to run some errands. Back to real life for a while.

Driving always helps me think. This song by Lady Antebellum has beautiful lyrics:

(Written by: Dave Haywood / Charles Kelley / Hillary Scott / Tom Douglas)
I run from pain
I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists
But I run too late
I run my life
Or is it running me
Run from my past
I run too fast
Or too slow it seems
When lies become the truth
That’s when I run to you

Chorus
This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you
I run to you baby
And when it all starts coming undone
Baby you’re the only one I run to
I run to you

We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin’ right on through
And our love’s the only truth
That’s why I run to you





This is the perfect song for my my story today. I see it now. I understand how to write Susan's pain. I've had an epiphany on this gray, rainy day. The wind is blowing but I don't care. People pass me by but I don't really see them. I'm in my mind, inside the world I have created. I can't wait to get back to my computer.


Lunch first.

Snuggle with the cats for a few minutes and snuggle with Jessie.

Think for a few minutes. Stop and be still. Re-focus.

Okay. Go.

3 hours have passed in the blink of an eye. I think I'm stuck. Where do I go from here? Don't even look at how many page's you've written.  I can't believe it's nearly 3 pm. Too quiet. My thoughts are starting to rattle around in my head and they are distracting me. I cannot allow myself to get distracted. Oh what the hell. I'm already distracted.


What's going on outside? More rain.

How are the fish?

Is there something else I can do before going back to my desk? I'm afraid to sit down. What if I'm just out of words for the day? Do writers get a word quota? Did I hit my word quota? I need to change a few things. Something doesn't feel right. UGH.

Yes. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I am re-organizing the tupperware cabinet. Why the hell do we have so much tupperware? Isn't plastic bad? How old is this stuff? Why do I always feel guilty throwing tupperware away? I think we have more lids than containers. How does that happen. It's like having socks just disappear from the dryer.


LAUNDRY!

Bozo never needs socks. What would Bozo write? Perhaps Bozo has a better command of language than I do. He looks so damned happy all the time. I just want to punch him in the nose.

Enough with Bozo. Bozo really isn't any fun...DARTS!

Okay. Enough screwing around. You've just wasted 45 minutes. Get back to the computer. Get back to the story. Get back to the characters. 

Music. I need music.

Okay. Ahh. Nice. 

WRITE. It is not an option.

Facebook and email break. Hope someone sent me a funny joke. I need a good laugh right now. 

The sky outside looks amazing.

God I'm tired. Not my body. My mind. Mind fried. Keep going.


I think it's midnight. Maybe 1 am. Maybe later. It's dark out. I missed dinner. I missed sunset. I missed Dancing with the Stars.

I don't know anything anymore. I've got nothing left in the tank. I'm running on fumes, but I'm thankful. Tired but happy.  What if no one reads this?

But wait. The story isn't finished yet. 

Time to...

Oops. I Did It Again...

I have never considered myself a particularly clumsy person. Sure, I sometimes bang my funny bone (and it's really never that funny) or stub my toe, but who doesn't?


Bear with me, this blog is actually going somewhere.


This past summer, I've injured myself more than I think possibly since the summer of my 12th year when I was very into climbing trees (and not so into climbing down them).


Here's a list of my summer's injuries:


1. Banged RIGHT temple so hard on the corner of the kitchen cabinet I nearly passed out.


2. Have this really strange bump on the top of my RIGHT hand that even my dermatologist is a little perplexed about. My doc. isn't worried, he's just perplexed.




3. I fell this summer trying to rescue an empty kayak floating down river after a particularly strong thunderstorm. (Okay everyone you can stop laughing.) My RIGHT knee and RIGHT calf were scraped up so badly they still have not healed completely after like 2 months. In that same accident, I also lost my toenail on my fourth toe on my RIGHT foot. I know gross, but bear with me, I am making a point here and you need all the details.


4. Saturday while washing my car at my parent's home in CT, I slipped on the concrete of the garage floor. (I agree it's not smart to wash cars with flip-flops, so don't lecture me on this one). My RIGHT big toe got caught in the pavement and let's just say I nearly tore off the top of my big toe, including the toenail. 


Is anyone else noticing a pattern? For the past 3 months at least, I've noticed that not only are the ordinary bumps and bruises occurring on my right side, but I'm also having a rash of accidents, all injuring me on my right side.


Yes, I know, I'm getting old and old people fall more. My 75 year old father told me yesterday that he thought I need the medical alert more than him. Not funny.


So I did what I always do... HELLO GOOGLE.

It seems that in ancient Chinese medicine, the body is broken down into the left and right side. The left side typically relates to Qi or energy. The concept of Qi (pronounced Chee) is often translated into energy Life Force. The left side of the body typically relates to energy and the right side to the blood. To look at it a different way, the Yang is the right side and the Yin is the left side of the body.


So, my 10 minutes on Google taught me that:
A) my energy is fine but my blood is bad.
B) I've got some serious Yang problems.
C) no one else in the Google universe seems to be entering in search terms like "why do I keep injuring my right side."
D) I really need to make an appointment with my acupuncturist. I bet she doesn't get this every day. 


Perplexing. I'll keep you all posted!

Officiating in the WNBA

Every team has problems with the officials. It is the nature of basketball to question a referee's calls. A ref's job is to be objective and consistent. It's often said that good refs are invisible- you don't even notice they are on the court.


This past WNBA season, I have seen so many atrociously called games, I've felt compelled to write about it. For the first time, I feel as though the level of play in the WNBA is both entertaining and good basketball. Games are normally fun to watch; especially the playoff games.

But the officials have sucked the entertainment value from many of the games and turned them into whistle-fests. Example: In the WNBA Eastern Conference Finals NY Liberty vs. Atlanta Dream, one player on Atlanta went to the free throw line 22 times in a single game. Are you kidding me? That has to be a joke. I have seen officials cost teams game this season in the WNBA. That has to stop.

If the level of play continues to rise in the league, the level of officiating must also rise. It seems as though today's WNBA officials (and yes, I am generalizing here, there are many great refs in the league), cannot keep up with the speed of the game, even with a 3-man crew. They don't allow the players to be physical and my biggest pet peeve: they are not consistent.

If the WNBA is going to continue to thrive - and yes, this past season indicate a bit of a resurgence in ticket sales league-wide, then the league needs to take a good, hard look at the officials and how they are trained. The officials also need to understand the game is for entertainment and blowing the whistle less offers a smoother game, and a more entertaining one, for fans.

So, Donna Orender, CEO of the WNBA - are you listening? Spend some time working on a better training protocol for your refs in the off season. Most of the WNBA officials move over to NCAA Division I hoops when the WNBA season ends. Maybe some of these refs should be allowed to work NBA games- after all if they can keep up with an NBA game, they can keep up with a Liberty game.

The views expressed below are purely my opinion on what I have watched this season in the WNBA.

Just for the Hell of It

Just for the hell of it, I was browsing Craigs List, which I confess, I tend to do when I can't sleep. Somehow the overwhelming amount of information on Craigs List makes me drowsy and usually works like a charm. Not last night. Last night, I visited a page on Craigs List called: MISSED CONNECTIONS.

Here are a few entries I was struck by:

#1: Unrequited Long Island
I'll only see you for an hour tomorrow and while its all I look forward to, I almost have nothing to say. And beyond that I dread every moment afterward, until I see you once again next week. I love your hair, and your smile, and how sometimes you don't laugh but tell me that I said something funny. I am in love with your existence; the thought that someone like you is alive and is real. I'm in love with all the things I don't know about it, which is a lot. I am NOT in love with your unattainability. I don't want you because I can't have you, I want you because when you hugged me, it created a circle of love and safety that was overpowering. I desperately want to sleep and pass all these moments that I am not in your presence.
God help me sleep tonight, and lift the misery from my situation.

#2: Dark Shades and an iPod - NJ Transit, Secaucus Station
You had dark shades and an ipod, and an archangel bag. me - black dress. it was only a short trip from secaucus to ny penn this AM, but was hoping you caught me checkin you out the whole ride. liked your shoes. wonder if this will reach you.

#3 I Think About You - Williamsburg
i wish i wasn't commitment-phobic because i think of you often. i enjoyed your company tremendously and i will miss you when you leave. and i miss you now.

#4: I love You. SM - NYC
That's all.
Just wanted to get it out.
I know, so stupid.

Reading these entries made me so sad. Are we all so starved for contact, for a true connection, that we feel the need to post things like this anonymously? These are real people. Real people with real feelings who cannot say to the people in their lives, "Hey, I love you. I want to be with you. I can't stop thinking about you."

And so most of us go on with our days- iPods cranking, blackberrys beeping, and we pass by people all the time on the train or the bus or stopped in traffic in the next car. And we don't really see people. See them as people who are tired, who have experienced great passion or heartbreak, who are just trying to get through the day and make ends meet. Maybe if we turned the iPod off and put the blackberry down, we'd have a conversation on the bus, or connect with someone on the train. Maybe if we weren't becoming a society so engrossed in NOT connecting would we actually have the wherewithal to say the truth to the people we care about and not wait until the moment passes by and we're left with writing anonymously heartbreaking tidbits on Facebook or Craigs List.

So if you get anything from this blog today. Get this: CONNECT with one person today. Be kinder to people in traffic. Stop and open the door for someone. Tell someone you love them. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Be present in your lives and take the headphones out of your ears. Put the cell phone down and turn off the TV. Listen to the sound the breeze makes in the trees. Take 2 minutes and enjoy the beauty of nature. Connect with the people in your life and the world around you. Be kinder and CONNECT dammit!

A New List on a Hot Summer Day.

The other day, I sat in my backyard watching water slap up against the seawall. Add it to the list of days in the 90s here in New York. Today, the sun feels good, like my bones are getting warmed up. As I lay in the sun and listen to Jack Johnson lull me off to a late afternoon nap, I start to toss around the things I want from life. They rattle around in my head in no particular order. Usually when thoughts rattle around in my head, it means it's time for them to come out and be written down. So here is that list:

1. I want to keep my faith in people and small moments.
2. I want to always believe in the beauty of this earth and possibilities. 
3. I want to pass whatever test is next.
4. I want to hit the game winning shot at the buzzer (metaphorically or literally).
5. I want to be surprised.
6. I want always to feel comforted by the warmth of the sun and the breeze in my face.
6. I want my hard work to pay off greater than my expectations. 
7. I want to believe with all my heart I was put on this earth for a reason and I found that reason. 
8. I want to feel my spirit rise in the sky for one glorious moment and know this is exactly where I was meant to be. 
9. I don’t ever want to hit the snooze button again. I know, I digress, but I think the snooze button is the worst invention ever.  It allows, no wait, it condones people eeking their lives away nine minutes at a time.  Why not ten minutes?  Who decided nine minutes was the acceptable timeframe to sleep in?  Why do we allow someone else to decide what is acceptable for us?  What if I want my snooze to be exactly forty-three seconds. 
10. I want to live acceptably for me and no one else, even if you don't agree.  

11. I want to feel calm and at ease with my decisions. 
12. I want to throw away my television and take a walk instead. 
13. I want to pray to God in my own quiet way, and not be dictated how to worship by men who are as far away from God as I’ve ever seen. 
14. I want to rant sometimes like the homeless person on the corner about all the wrongs in my mind, and I want to rant in my own language, even if you can’t understand it. 

15. I want to feel passion that lasts, to feel undressed by someone’s eyes, feel the tingle in my toes from a kiss, the whisper on my lashes, the flipping in my stomach, thinking- wow, this is gonna be good.  It’s gonna be sweaty and it’s gonna be good. 
16. I want to write it all down - leave no word unwritten, no sentiment untouched.
17. I want to tell stories - good ones- and be paid well for it.
18. I want to sit at my desk and write with the ease of flipping the channels on the television. No, wait, I take that back. I never want writing to get easy because I never want to take it for granted. Okay. That one has been amended.
19.I want to go to sleep each night with the confidence that I wasted no time during my time awake. Not one second lost. 
20. I want to spend my day understanding that I have done nothing less than my purpose for that day. 
21.I want to be in awe of the unknown, because within the unknown is the place I fall asleep dreaming about.
22. I want to have enough money that I can comfortably give plenty away to others.
23. I want to make someone laugh.
24. I want to grill a steak, roast some potatoes and sit crosslegged on the beach eating dinner and watching the sun set.
25. I want all the people whom I love to know that I love them.
26. I want to send my parents on a trip to Italy.
27. I want to...fall...asleep....

Summer Time and The Grass is Burned

Judging by the amount of time it took me to gear up for this blog, I think my brain is as fried as the lawn.

I know I'm burned out and in dire need of a vacation, but there is no rest for the weary. I'm all in- my cards are on the table and I'm down to my last chips. I will not quit early, I won't pass out from heat stroke and I certainly will not whine about the long hours in front of the computer. It's all good, and it's all leading me in the right direction.

About three weeks ago, I quit my full-time job as director of Public Relations for a local college in order to focus on writing. (Can someone give me a WOO-HOO?) All my life I've wanted to be a writer. (Well, that and a professional basketball player. The way I figure it, one out of two isn't bad.) But for as long as I have been working, I've been earning my living; paying my bills, by NOT writing- by doing other marketing and communications work that wasn't at all as fulfilling. I justified continuing in this manner because, well, the utilities bill had to be paid and I needed gas in my car.

Then one day, I watched "The Secret" and I realized something very simple in theory, but life-changing for me. I realized that so long as I kept working and trying to write in my spare time, I was never putting it out to the universe that I EXPECTED to succeed at writing, that I was good enough to throw myself into it 125%, and be paid well for that work. So I made a change. The utilities bill still needs to be paid, and I still need gas in my car, but I never doubted I'd make money some other way.

And you know what? Now I'm actually getting pay checks to write. It's been a seamless transition. I might say I've been lucky, but that's not the truth. I've asked, and the universe is responding in kind.

When I get overtired and feeling sorry for myself (don't worry, it doesn't happen often), I think of the quote by Michael Jordan where he said "winners will do whatever it takes not to be losers, no matter how unpleasant the work of improving may be."

I've learned that writing is an awful lot like basketball. It's all about repetition, about doing the work when no one else is around. It's about putting in the time and willing myself to improve, to take the next step, even if I'm too exhausted to take another step.

Why are people so intimidated to work hard? Do do what is in their hearts?

If there is one thing I have learned these past few years it's that I know what kind of people I want in my life, and what people I want to work with. I want to be with people who inspire me, who have a light within them. People who still make shapes out of clouds and tell knock-knock jokes and love hard and strong and true- those are my people!

And so I'm writing. Every day. Sometimes for me, sometimes for other people and companies. I've finished a script based on the life of Emily Dickinson and I know that story came from somewhere down deep inside me, like the words flowed from some previously untapped well.

Now I've tapped the well. I know how to access it and I won't let that door close ever again. It's a new day. A new life for me. My list of things to do today puts it all in perspective:

1. Live in the moment.

2. Snuggle with my cats.

3. Play wiffle-ball with the dog.

4. Write for me.

5. Write for clients.

6. Meditate.

7. Workout.

8. Read one thing today that touches my soul.

9. Laugh.